


Trust Issues (And why you shouldn't charm your friends)

by DarkHorseAsh



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Mollymauk Tealeaf needs a hug, Nightmares, Nott Needs a Hug, Panic Attacks, Touch-Starved, Trans Character, Trust Issues, they're a mess but they're trying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2019-11-06 15:03:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17941952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkHorseAsh/pseuds/DarkHorseAsh
Summary: In the aftermath of the disastrous attempt at a break-in, and the conversations with Nott, Nott is left shaken and wondering how she is supposed to trust them.  Meanwhile, Molly is hiding a secret that he's afraid Nott will force out.  Yasha, Beau, and Jester just want them to all get along.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter takes place around episode 14, in the evening after the Conversation with Nott and the others where they talk about trust.

The moon was peaking in the sky, and Nott was drinking.   The others had long since gone to bed, and she was hunched in a corner booth, slowly working her way through a large glass of alcohol.  It had been an impossibly long day, and impossibly long  _ life  _ recently, and she wanted nothing more than to go curl up with her boy and the cat and sleep until the sun was as high in the sky as the moon was now.

 

She was the last one in the bar.  Even Caleb wasn’t there, though she wasn’t quite sure that he was asleep.  She knew she could probably go upstairs now, crawl into his lap and let him hold her and ask what was wrong and she didn’t think she could lie to him, not now.  So she didn’t go, just curled her knees up to her chest and finished her drink. She rested her head on her arms, watching the bar, which was almost empty, and just  _ thinking _ .

 

They were still in that room, the bedroom, four sets of eyes locked on hers and she wasn’t sure she could breathe.  They were so much bigger than she was as they all glared down at her and she just felt so, impossibly small. She wanted to feel safe with these people, but all she could feel was Molly’s angry glare, Fjord’s Falchion held to  _ her boy’s  _ **_throat_ ** _.”   _ She wanted to scream at them that they hadn’t well given her a reason to trust them.  

 

“You’re a remarkable judge of character you know that.”  Molly snaps, and she can hear Beau’s angry words, the same harsh roughness that she had grown to expect from the monk.   _ Why would I trust you?  Who made you morally superior.? There are things you aren’t saying, too.   _ “And what exactly have you done to earn our trust?”

 

“I’ll happily take that forty platinum back right now” and  _ that’s  _ when she can’t breathe.  Because no they worked too hard for that money she almost got smothered for that money and then got paralyzed and Caleb had to watch things burn and she could see the haunted look on his face, he wasn’t ok and...

 

_ Nott! Cmon Nott, listen to me!  _

 

She is listening, has only ever been listening, but every word of distrust seeps into her bones until she can  _ feel  _ it, until she just wants Caleb to come and give her a hug and tell her it’s ok and she can feel their eyes boring into her tiny body and she wants to be anywhere else.  

 

_ Nott! Come on, wake up. _

 

She is awake, she thinks, nearly always.  She doesn’t sleep enough, spends too many nights trying to shake Caleb awake after his whimpers and twitching limbs stir her from her spot on his lap.  “Do you think it would be a good idea to explain to him that he almost got himself killed tonight?” 

 

All she can see is that house, Molly’s sword pressed to Caleb’s chest,  _ that doesn’t make any sense Molly wasn’t the one in the room it was Fjord why is it now Molly.   _ And then Caleb is bleeding, blood pouring down his chest and she’s screaming.  “No please no not my boy please, please, please.” She begs, feeling his blood running over her hands as she scrambles to his side and she can just feel Molly’s eyes on her.

 

And then someone is shaking her shoulder, voice deep and desperate and worried.  “Nott come on, wake up, you’re safe I promise.” She blinks once, twice, and sees  _ color.   _ The brightly patched coat that she had always thought looked so nice and warm and….” Molly? She mumbles out, vaguely realizing that she was still shaking, breath still caught in her lungs.  

 

He’s crouched in front of her, and it takes her a moment to realize they’re not in the bar anymore, they’re in what she assumes is his and Fjord’s room.  “I’m sorry.” She wants to run and get away, wants to find Caleb because she has to make sure even though she looks now and it takes her too long to notice her hands are  _ clean.   _ “I’m sorry.”  Molly doesn’t budge, just slowly reaches out and rests the tip of one hand on her leg.  “It’s ok, Nott. You’re ok. Caleb is ok.”

 

Fjord has slipped out at some point, and she feels some of the stress bleed out of her muscles, and her breathing relaxes a little.  She doesn’t want to look up, but she can feel the question on Molly’s face and he opens his mouth, one hand shifting up slightly, and she can feel her breathing quicken.  “P-please don’t do it again.” He blinks, confusion in his eyes as he questions, “Do what, love?” Nott shakes her head, small hands wrapping and unwrapping around each other.  “T-that spell. The one that made me tell the truth. P-please I’ll tell you anything you want just don’t do that again!”

 

Molly is...confused, to say the least.  He had gone down to the bar after waking up early due to Fjord covering the floor in salt water.  They’d been going to get the man a drink, and they’d seen Nott curled up in a booth. They’d been planning to just let her sleep, but then Fjord had noted that she was twitching and whimpering and so they figured it was probably better to get her  _ out  _ of the bar. 

 

She was screaming the moment Molly’s hands were on her.  Thankfully she was light, light enough to tuck into his chest and bolt up the stairs, unable to stop the worry he was feeling.  She was whimpering out words as they shook her back to consciousness, sharp little cries of “No” and “please” that tore at his heart even as he couldn’t ignore the distrust he felt when he thought about her rummaging through Fjord’s bag.  

 

“Ok.  I won’t.  Promise. Do you mind if I ask why?”  She whimpers, still shaking slightly, and Molly hesitates before opening his arms.  “Cmere, Nott. It’s ok.” She wants Caleb, wants the warm, patchy coat that she knows every pocket of.  She thinks she could probably smell that coat from a mile away by now and so she shakes her head because, of course, she doesn’t trust him.  “No thank you.”

 

“Why don’t you trust me?”  She freezes halfway to standing, slowly turns to look at him, and the first thing he sees on her face is pure fear.  “Why should I? What reason has anyone ever given me to trust them? You don’t trust me; you think you’re smarter than me and stronger than me and a better teammate than me and you don’t care that every moment in this city,  **I am at risk** . “ Molly blinks, halfway to speaking before she continues.  “A-and then you made me tell the truth and you  _ made  _ me and I don’t want you to make me do things I want to be your friend. You didn’t even..you locked me in a room and you didn’t let me out, and then you made me do something I didn’t want to do and I DON’T LIKE IT!”  She whimpers softly, rubbing a hand against her eyes to try to hide the tears. 

 

Molly realizes a moment too late that he should have seen it before.  He drops his shoulders, feeling a stab of  _ shame  _ in his chest.  “I’m sorry. You’re right; I shouldn’t charm my friends.  I wouldn’t...I wouldn’t want someone to do that to me, I don’t think.  I don’t know. I don’t think anyone has ever done that on me but I wouldn’t know, would I.”  He mutters, and Nott is surprised at the surge of  _ loathing  _ in his eyes.  “I...I should not have done that.  I was…I suppose the right word would be concerned.”  Nott tilted her head, the still-present fear in her chest being overridden by curiosity and an edge of concern because Molly looked...haunted, afraid.  

 

“I...I thought it was my things, for a moment.  That you were looking for.” He explains, and that doesn’t make her any less confused, but Molly keeps going.  “I thought it was my bag and I got...upset, because there are….there are things that I’m not ready for you guys to see in my bag,”  he explains softly. “A-and then it wasn’t but I was still so stressed and I just…” Molly shrugs, ducking his head down. “I want to trust you but I was scared if you’d looked through Fjord’s stuff you’d move on to mine next and I was...worried.  I’m sorry. That’s why I set the uh...the trap. I had to know why.” He mutters, turning away and taking a few steps back, hands up slightly. “I’m sure Caleb is worried about you, you should go.” He mutters softly. 

 

Nott couldn’t stop the stab of concern in her chest.  Molly looked fragile, arms that had been outstretched a moment before now wrapped tightly around own body and eyes flicking around the room.  “Molly?” She questions, trying to keep her voice kind. “Molly?” He forces his eyes up, the pure red eyes wide and fearful as he shakes his head.  “Go, please.” She doesn’t want to; no matter how scared of him she is right now, the raw fear lurking in his eyes reminds her too much of Caleb, but it’s clear that she’s not welcome here so she dips her head, nods, and slips out the door.

 

Caleb is asleep by the time she gets to the cellar, dozing against the wall, stiff muscles twitching slightly.  She grimaces at the pained look on his face, hurrying across the cold cellar and trying to ignore the skeleton as she shifts to curl up in his lap.  Caleb’s face immediately relaxed slightly, one hand shifting to wrap around her as she wrapped her small hands around his other arm and closed her eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

For once, Caleb’s night was calm. He didn’t dream of fire and pain and death and fault, he dreamt of a little goblin with kind eyes and an orange cat and family. He woke slowly, for the first time in years almost sad that he had to. The sleepiness quickly vanished when he was met with a small arm to the face and a pile of flailing limbs. Frumpkin, who had been perched on his shoulder trying to paw him awake, sprang away as he shifted to pick Nott up.

Nott wakes screaming for him, small body twisting in his grip as she fought to free herself from his grasp. “Nott, liebling, it is ok, I am fine.” Caleb soothes worriedly, keeping his grip tight. “Shhh, Nott, cmon, breath please.” He’s holding her like a baby, her head tucked into his shoulder and his arms clinging to her as she shakes, her own hands grasping his collar tightly. “C-cay” she whimpers frantically, sounding so miserable that he wants to go kill whatever had caused her pain. He dips his head, brushing his lips against the top of her head. “Ja, I have you” he assures the shaking goblin. “We are ok. He didn’t hurt me.” He can feel her cling harder even through the shaking and so he just rocks them both and tightens her grip. “We are ok.”

When they make it to the bar the next day, it seems that they are not the only ones who are tired. Nott had spent the night curled up in the safety of his lap, and neither of them had slept well. Now, she was tucked against his leg as they walked, small hands grasping one of his as he hummed in Zemnian under his breath. Molly looked like he was actually asleep sitting up, propped between Yasha and Fjord. Jester and Beau were playing cards, but the amount of yawning happening made it seem pretty unlikely that anyone was truly awake. 

“Mornin’” Fjord drawled softly as Caleb sat, choosing a chair rather than the booth next to Fjord or Yasha. Nott scrambles into his lap, burying her head in his chest. She didn’t care how it looked, she did not want to talk to people today. Caleb dipped his head in greeting, glancing around at the mostly-empty bar. “Ja, good morning, is he alright?” He questions, gesturing towards Molly. Yasha shrugs, muttering “he did not sleep very well. I do not think anyone did.” Caleb glances down at Nott, who is clearly dozing off again, and nods. “We did not sleep so well either. I think there need to be some...talks, today.” Beau and Fjord hum in agreement but Yasha just watches. “What happened?” Caleb sighed, tightened his grip on Nott, and cast a wary look around the room. “I do not think this is the place to have this discussion. Perhaps we can meet in the second cellar later and do this. I do not want the many random people around this bar to try and listen in.” He explains, and Beau nods approvingly. Their food has finally arrived, eggs and meats and bread. Caleb eats slowly, knowing he can’t afford not to. If he and Nott have to leave and be alone again, it might be a long time before they had a meal so big. Nott seems to understand this, twisting on his lap to eat but still clinging to one of his hands. Beau and the others eat, too, and due to his lack of focus on his own meal, Caleb takes a moment to watch them.

Beau eats as she lives, wildly and carelessly. Yasha eats quickly, with a look that Caleb recognizes as knowing what not enough tastes like. She and Molly split a plate, but Yasha seems to all but force food into the purple tiefling, who seems unimpressed at her insistence that he needs to be awake in order to eat. He and Nott eat as quickly as they can, scarfing down their plate so fast that Beau quietly slips more onto it. Jester eats slowly, savoring the food in a way that makes Caleb so impossibly envious because he has never felt so secure in having food that he could let himself eat slowly. If you eat slowly, someone could take it away. He thinks some of them know that lesson too well. Fjord eats carelessly, without thought to how much he is eating and damnit, Caleb can’t help but be jealous of that, too. 

He considers running for a long time that morning. They finish eating and he and Nott retreat to the basement and he wants to run so badly he can physically feel his legs trembling under him. Nott watches as he paces, passing the dead body half a dozen times before she reaches up and takes his hand. “We can run if you want to, Cay. We don’t have to stay.” He sighs, slumping over like a puppet with his strings cut as he drops to a sitting position on the ground. Nott scrambles back into his lap and stands on it so she can look him in the eyes. “We can run.” She repeats gently. “But I don’t think you really want us to.” Caleb shakes his head, resting it against Nott’s smaller one. “I don’t want to. I like these people, Nott, I think they will be good for us, no? But I do not know if I can trust them after these last few days.” Nott tilts her head, taking a long moment to think before sighing. “I know. But I want to trust them so let’s talk to them. Then we’ll see.”

Two floors above them, Molly is pacing. Yasha sits on the bed and watches, knowing better than to interrupt until Molly slumps on the bed beside them. “We can leave.” She offers softly. She knows what Molly will say but she still feels the need to offer because seeing them like this hurts her heart. True to form, Molly shakes their head and sighs. “I don’t, I don’t want to tell them.” They mutter, and she sighs and slings an arm over their shoulder. “You never have to, you know that. They’re not going to make you say anything you don’t want to.” THis is apparently exactly the wrong thing to say to Molly in this moment because they bury their head in their hands and their body starts shaking and Yasha doesn’t know what she said wrong. “Molly, it’s ok, what’s wrong. It’s ok.” She soothes, reaching out to wrap her arms around them. “They won’t make me. But that’s what I did to Nott.” Molly wails into her shoulder and she Gets it in that moment. “Mollymauk. Look at me.” Molly does, red eyes wide and frightened as they meet Yasha’s multi-colored ones. “Was that stupid and fairly wrong of you? Yes. And you’re definitely going to apologize. But you do not have to tell them if you don’t want to. “

He opens his mouth to protest and seeing the look on his face, she finally gets it. “If you want to tell them, I’ll be right hear. You know I will kill anyone who hurts you.” He sighs and nods, leaning his head on her shoulder. “I know, love. Thanks for that. I don’t...we’ll see. I don’t know.” They mumble. Yasha tightens her grip and for a moment, she just lets herself hold her best friend and hope. 

In the end, it’s Fjord who pulls them all together. They gather in the second basement with alcohol and dinner, and Caleb grimaces because he doesn’t want to fight when he’s trying to eat. He’s sending pained glances at Nott, trying to find the words, when Yasha speaks. “Perhaps we could eat and then we could talk?” Jester turns to look at her in confusion, but Caleb sends Yasha the most grateful look imaginable and she sends him a small smile back. “I...I would like to be able to eat without spending the whole time with the feeling that someone is going to grab the food or me.” Beau softens, nodding. “Yeah, we can eat first. Food smells good tonight.”

When their plates are empty and their stomachs are full, they sit in something vaguely resembling a circle. Caleb stays tucked against the wall, in a corner where he has clear line of sight to the door. Yasha is settled to his left and makes it clear from the way she sits that she’s doing the same and once again Caleb can’t stop the envy that surges through him when he realizes most of the others don’t fear being jumped if they put their backs to the doors. They sit in silence, no one quite knowing what to say, before Jester speaks up. “I don’t know what’s going on but we have to deal with it cause, cause you guys are my friends and I don’t want you to be fighting and I don’t want the group to break up but half of you won’t even look at each other!” She exclaims worriedly. 

Fjord snorts. “Look, it seems to me that there has been some...overreacting, from everyone involved. Maybe we all just calm down and move on.” Caleb can feel Nott’s anger from her spot next to him, so he reaches down and puts a hand on her knee. “I think it is fair to say that I and others do not...do not think we overreacted. I understand we have only known each other for a matter of weeks but it is clear there are things we need to say and address hear and just ignoring them will not help.” Nott nods in agreement, gripping his hand with both of hers, and he can see the slight tilt of Yasha’s that means she agrees, too. Fjord seems to resign himself to the fact that this isn’t going to go his way, so he just nods, sits back, and crosses his arms. 

Beau speaks up. “Listen, everyone gets their secrets. I’m fine with that. But if you have a secret that is right now going to cause us issues or conflict, consider...none of us are gonna tell anyone. We’re a bunch of fucked up people in a group of fucked up people we’re not gonna go snitch. What we say to each other stays there unless like, the world is on the line. Ok?” She leans forward, resting her wrapped wrists on her ankles. “We’re a team now. That means we need to be able to trust each other and know our limits. So if there’s something you’d rather us not do, let us know.”

To all of their surprise, especially Molly’s, Yasha opens her mouth and speaks first. “I do not like to be...restrained. Or in a room with no windows. I...I like to be able to see a way out, you know?” Caleb feels himself nodding in agreement as he mentally files that bit of information. Yasha looks...embarrassed, shoulders curled into herself and body shaking slightly as she sat there. Caleb snapped his fingers, caused frumpkin to drop into her lap, and opened his mouth to speak. “I, I do not...like things burning.” He wonders if his voice conveys how exhausted he is. “Or crowds. Or burning crowds, I suppose.” He manages with a weak smile but no one is laughing and so he ducks his head back down and reflexively tightens his hold on Nott’s hand. Nott hesitates but doesn’t let go, tightening her grip on his hands. The weight relaxes him slightly, so he leans his head against the wall and slowly takes a deep breath. “Someone else go, Ja?” 

“I...I think something gave me my powers. And I don’t know what it was.” Fjord sounds uncharacteristically nervous, but Jester gives him a gentle look and he relaxes a little. Nott wraps her hands around Caleb’s and holds them, tightly, until he relaxes and slumps forward into her a little. “I don’t like water. Not gonna say why but I don’t.” She tucks her head into the side of his shoulder and Caleb slowly, haltingly, works his arm up and around her shoulder to pull her into his side. Beau speaks up slowly, with far more hesitance than the monk usually showed. “I, my parents might send someone. To try and bring me back. Teach me a lesson for leaving.” Jester leans into her side and Beau stiffens, but she doesn’t pull away, and Caleb vaguely thinks that might mean something. 

Molly has been getting shakier and shakier as they listen but Beau isn’t even done before they’re up and running. Yasha tries to stand in time to catch Molly, but they shake her off and bolt, leaving the other six standing in the basement in wide-eyed confusion. “I, I don’t...what was that about?” Fjord demands. Yasha sighs, slumping down against the wall and resting her head in her hands. “You are a jackass, you know that?” Beau practically growls at Fjord. He blinks, confusion filling his eyes. “Can I ask what I did?” “You started this off by whining about how other people misunderstood a situation. That isn’t helpful. The whole point of this meeting was for us to figure out how to have everyone be ok going forwards and you started that off by being a jerk.” Yasha gives a quiet hum of agreement, pulls herself to her feet, and ducks out the door without a word. 

Fjord and Jester leave moments later, leaving Beau, Caleb, and Nott in the cellar alone. Beau watches the other two intently, as Caleb’s hands twitched towards Nott several times as if he wanted to pull her into him and just hold her, but then his eyes would lock on hers and he would curl away. Beau sighed, rolling her eyes. “Caleb, I am not going to say something if you want to give Nott a hug. You guys are friends, I know that.” Caleb nods haltingly, but still doesn’t move till Nott takes the initiative and forces her way into his lap. Caleb leans his head against her shoulder and she tucks herself against his chest and watches Beau intently. Nott doesn’t speak, doesn’t stop petting Caleb’s hair, until he falls quiet against her back and tips his head onto her shoulder.

“What are you doing down here, still?” Beau jerks her head up to look at Nott, who was watching her with eyes full of...what looked like anger, but what Beau realized might instead be fear. She sighed, leaning back against the stone wall and resting her head against it for a long moment. “I’m not going to hurt him, Nott.” Nott just gives a harsh noise. “Everyone says that until they do!” Beau can’t keep up her hard facade when faced with the genuine fear in Nott’s eyes, so she crosses the room and kneels in front of them. “I know. Believe me, Nott, I expect the worst from people, too. But I am not going to hurt you.” She leans forward to gently wrap a hand around Nott’s, feeling the goblin freeze under her hand but not pull away. “I just want to help, Nott. Let me help?” 

Nott watches Beau the entire time she carries Caleb up to a bed, but Beau is impossibly careful with Her Boy. She moves slowly but confidently, smoothly carrying the limp human. “Why is he still asleep? I’d wake up if someone carried me.” She comments, and Nott shrugs. “We did not sleep so well last night. He is very tired.” Beau gently deposits Caleb on the bed and Nott scrambles to curl up into his side, with a tiny “Thank you.” Beau nods, ducks out of the bar, and goes to drink while trying to ignore the fire under his skin from where she had been touching Nott’s.

Molly hadn’t ran far. He was upset, but not stupid, and he knew running far and being alone as a tiefling was a terrible idea. He gets a minute away before ducking into an alleyway, sliding down behind some boxes, and burying his head in his hands. Yasha caught him only moments later, slipping in next to him and leaning into his side, head on his shoulder. Molly made a relieved noise, twisting to cling to his friend. Yasha had never been good with people, but Molly had always been the exception so she runs her hands over his horns and rests his head on her shoulder. She sing, something quiet and beautiful that he couldn’t understand but that still soothed the worst of the pain in his eyes. 

She helps him back to the inn. He leans on her shoulder, head resting against hers. “Can I kill Fjord?” He grins, laughing softly as his sides shake with amusement, but shakes his head. “I think we need him alive, sorry Yash.” Yasha hummed noncommittally, resting her head on his shoulder. “He’s an asshole.” She mutters, and Molly shrugs. “So are we, Yash. So are we.” She sighs, nods, dropping her head for a moment. “He didn’t mean it in an attacking-us way, I think avoidance is just the only way he knows to resolve conflict.” 

Beau and Fjord are sitting in the bar across from Caleb and Nott when they come in. Molly vaguely considers making a run upstairs and hiding, forever, but he was pretty sure that Yasha wouldn’t let him. Her hand tightened on his waist and he hummed appreciatively. “It’s alright, cmon” She mutters in her very, very questionable infernal. Molly forces a grin on his face and quickly approaches the table. “Hello there everyone, how are you?” 

Dinner is the most awkward affair that Molly has had in a while, and that’s saying something. Beau and Jester seem to be planning something, with lots of eyebrow raising and gesturing across the table at each other. The moment they’re done eating, Caleb, Nott, and Molly are being grabbed and dragged upstairs. Yasha trots after them, ducking into the room a moment before Beau closes the door and they all hear the lock click. “Fix your issues, gang!” Beau calls. 

Caleb would like to say he doesn’t panic at all, but that would be a lie. His eyes are wide as they dart around the small room, spotting the one slept in bed, the bags tossed haphazardly on the other one. Molly flops down on the used bed and Yasha moves with him, settling behind him with her fingers in his hair as Molly practically purrs under her fingers. Caleb doesn’t want to talk about this. He wants to run and hide and to be anywhere else. But Nott’s fingers tighten on his and she gives him her best smile, even through her own fear, and so he forces his own head up. “Well. I Guess we have to talk, now.”


End file.
